Why does this blog exist?
This blog serves primarily as a medium for my self-expression. It’s a place where I can record my thoughts and experiences and reflect on them later. I would like this space to reflect my personal growth throughout my life.
Writing is my most faithful form of expression, so it allows others to examine my thought processes that aren’t always evident (or well explained) under normal circumstances. I hope that some of my content will be useful or insightful for other people, perhaps indirectly, but that should ideally never be my primary motive.
What do I write about?
I can guarantee nothing about what I feel like expressing (or its quality), but some commonly occurring themes include self-improvement, physical/emotional/existential well-being, psychology, social interaction, music, travel, the mundane, and my erratic cloud of hobbies/interests.
Who am I?
I’m a guy who spent the first 20 years of my life blindly pursuing academic excellence in attempt to win my father’s approval. Perhaps what I excelled at most was suppressing my emotions in order to cope with the problematic reality I perceived as a child. My inner world became so distorted and incomplete, and this existential struggle manifested in my becoming a serial procrastinator. I couldn’t understand the way I was, but I knew that something was seriously wrong. Unable to even grasp the real problem, I felt completely unable to change. I considered my life a nominally wasted one, and that the only positive contribution I could possibly bring to the world was to crack the impossible, to figure out what was troubling me, document it, fight it, and provide hope for others less hopeless than myself.
At age 21, I rediscovered my status as a human being, not a robot, having emotions like everyone else does. I experienced my first emotional breakdown as I painfully read through the book that changed my life forever and inspired me to take the first step along my journey of emotional development. I’ve been through a lot since then, my first challenge having been to overcome the ‘holy trinity’ of low self-esteem, low self-worth, and low self-confidence. I’m fighting against many more issues and will probably continue to do so for the rest of my life. Some of these include: trying to understand myself; procrastination; issues of motivation/willpower/discipline; emotional regulation; social anxiety; navigating the confusing world of social norms; making friends; finding belongingness; being perpetually misunderstood by others; struggling against the prejudices of privilege; living a spiritually meaning life; and finding something I can do for a living. I have since given up on my original ideal of trying to serve as an example for others, as I eventually came to the realization that I cannot do it.
Regardless of my past, I see myself as a person who is naive, child-like, awkward, curious, open, honest, sensitive, critical, and challenging.